OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
