I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
