Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
