I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I smell stomach acid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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