I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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