I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
