I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
