I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
