HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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