Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize