garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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