I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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