We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
