Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
