No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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