So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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