Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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