I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want to be your penis for a week.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drake has all the answers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
