Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
