i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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