No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
