I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
