I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
