I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
