There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
