Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
