I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
