My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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