Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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