Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
