happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
