I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
