I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
