Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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