Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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