She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
