i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
