he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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