did you get engaged???
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
