Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You took a bar mat shot.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
