ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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