my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want a musical about memes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
