I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
