I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
