I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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