marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
