So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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