just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
