summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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