ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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