About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
