I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
