We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why didn't you poke me back
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
