If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
