What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
