I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
