oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
