i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
