I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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