Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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