Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
