Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
