I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
