You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
