if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
