i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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