We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize