he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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