dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
