I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
