I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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