What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
