RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
