The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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